The Faith of Emma Smith

Although it seems like my life has been pretty rough lately, I can't help but think about those who have had to suffer more than I have. Emma Smith is one of these people. She was under so much pressure being married to the prophet Joseph Smith, and was constantly worrying about the safety of her family because of all of the persecution. She endured the pain and suffering as she buried six of her children and eventually had to deal with the martyrdom of her husband and brother-in-law. I can't even imagine the heartbreak that she overcame during these hard times! Even through the deaths of her children, she was able to stay true and faithful and was always supportive of Joseph. Emma's faith was unwavering during her trials, and I try to face my hardships with that same faith!! 

"Never had an ordinary day
You never lived your life in an ordinary way
For everything you loved you paid a price
But you couldn’t let the world see you cry

Never had a moment of peace
You never felt the sunlight when the worries set you free
Everytime your life turned a page
It seemed like your heart might break

With the world on your shoulders
When the nights have grown colder
You seem to weather every storm with a queen’s grace
When you lost your husband
When you bury your children
I’m sure the angels stood in reverence
As you prayed
How much can one heart take?
How much can one heart take?

Never had a day to call your own
When so many needed your warm heart as a home
Whispering a mother’s lullaby
As you sat alone by the fire

With the world on your shoulders
When the nights have grown colder
You seem to weather every storm with a queen’s grace
When you lost your husband
When you bury your children
I’m sure the angels stood in reverence
As you prayed
How much can one heart take?
How much can one heart take?

With the world on your shoulders
When the nights have grown colder
You seem to weather every storm with a queen’s grace
When you lost your husband
When you bury your children
I’m sure the angels stood in reverence
As you prayed
And I’m sure your heart breaks 
When some people still say 
Somewhere down the line you lost your faith
How much can one heart take? 
How much can one heart take?"

Family + Food + Basketball = One Amazing Thanksgiving!!

I just love Thanksgiving! After sleeping in, I got up and watched some of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. The rest of the morning was spent lounging around and getting ready for the day. At about 1:30, my family and I grabbed the food we had made, and headed next door to my aunt and uncle's house. After saying hi to all of my cousins, uncles, aunts, and grandma, I picked a spot on the couch and we watched some basketball and then football. Once the food was all ready, we blessed the food and then dug in. There was turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, rolls, fruits, vegetables, casseroles, and jello! I filled my plate up, forgetting that there was still another counter full with different food. Although I was quite full before my first plate was finished, I somehow was able to go back to the second counter and get some more. The rest of the day was spent playing games with my little cousins, watching football, visiting with everyone, and snacking every time I walked by the kitchen. We sang Happy Birthday to my cousin Alannah, and then brought out all of the pies for dessert. I had a piece of chocolate pie. After a while, I said goodbye to everyone and headed home. I did a little bit of coloring with my mom, and then my siblings (Alisha, Trevor, and Torey) and I went down to the High School Gym and played basketball. Our cousins (Brandon, Preston, and Dalton) met us down there. We scrimmaged and played shooting games. We all love basketball and it was a ton of fun to play with all of them again! After spending an hour and a half at the gym, we came back to our house and spent the rest of the night playing Just Dance 2 on the Wii! I am so thankful for all of my family and all that they do for me! They are all wonderful examples to me and the support they show my in everything that I do means the world to me! The only way this day could have been better was if my two oldest sisters had been able to spend it with us!

Donating Blood

A few weeks ago in relief society, they passed around a sign-up sheet for donating blood. When it got to me, I signed up and was very excited. I had always wanted to donate blood, but never really had the chance. The next day, I got ready and headed to the WILK at 11:15. My appointment was scheduled for noon, but I got there a little early and filled out all of the necessary papers and read the required materials since it was my first time. After waiting for a couple of minutes, they took me back to where they had everything set up. I got my finger pricked to check my iron level and I also got my blood pressure checked and had to answer quite a few questions concerning my health on the computer. Then they took me to a chair where they put needle and tube into my arm. I was given a ball to squeeze and I began filling up my bag by squeezing the ball. It only took me 4 minutes and 46 seconds to fill my bag up with blood. This random kid came up and talked to me the whole time, so it seemed like it went by fairly fast. When the needle was removed from my arm, I only had ten minutes to get to my Book of Mormon class that was in the Talmage Building.

I got up, and felt perfectly fine. They had me go to the snack table to get some cookies and water. I already had a water bottle filled with water, so I grabbed some cookies and headed off to my class. As I went outside, I started feeling weird. By the time I was almost to the library, blackness started at the edge of my eyes and was getting bigger, creating just a little tunnel that I could see through and my legs were getting weak. But somehow I made it into the library. There was a handrail almost right inside the second door that I was going to grab onto and rest for a little while. Well I stuck my arm out to grab it, but I couldn't find it because my depth perception was off! I kept grabbing for it, but all I was getting was a handful of air. (I wouldn't have been surprised if people thought that I was drunk!!) Once I finally got a hold of it, I leaned on it and closed my eyes.

I was slowly falling to the ground when a boy and girl walking by, came up to me and asked me if I was alright. They saw the bandage on my arm and knew that I had just donated blood. They told me that I looked really pale and asked if there was anything they could do for me. While the girl went to get some more cookies, the boy sat down with me right by the entrance to the library. I was like cold sweating and just felt awful! As we both sat there, we got so many weird looks from people walking by. After sitting there for a while, eating more cookies, and drinking lots of cold water, I began to get my strength back. As I stood up and was ready to head to my class (even though I was not 15 minutes late), the nice boy and girl walked me to my class just to be sure I was ok. Although the experience was a little embarrassing, I am glad that I was able to donate my blood and that someone will benefit from it!

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal"

     Well this weekend was definitely one that I will never forget. As my Grandma Brown (talked about in previous post) continued to go down hill through out the week, I new that I would need to free my weekend. I called and talked to her daily although at time she seemed a little bit out of it. She was excited that my sisters and I were going to be down there in few days. Early Friday morning, my sisters (Amber and Alisha) and I left Ogden and headed to Butte, Montana. My mom and oldest sister, Nicole, had arrived there on Thursday along with my mom's two brothers. When we got to Butte, I was able to use my magnificent navigational skills and got us to the assisted living place where my grandma lived. We quickly went up to my grandmas room where my mom embraced us in a hug, and the tears rushed out of my eyes. Lying on her bed with her eyes closed, was my grandma.

     Although my grandma's eyes weren't open, she was still responsive when we got there. She would squeeze our hand when we held her hand, and would move her arms and head every once in a while. We talked to her as though nothing was wrong and made sure that she knew who all was there with her. As the day went on, many relatives called or skyped us to say their final goodbyes to my grandma. We would hold the phone next to my grandma's ear so she could hear those who called. Many of her friends who live in the same building also stopped by to give her one last hug. A couple hours after my sisters and I had gotten there, my grandma stopped reacting to anything. She would no longer squeeze our hands or react to us talking to her. The rest of the night dragged on as we all sat around in her room talking and waiting.

     It was getting pretty late so after saying goodbye to everyone, including my grandma, my Uncle Dwayne decided to head back home and my Uncle Don and Aunt Tina decided to head down to there room. We got ready for bed and laid down at about 12:30. Instead of trying to sleep, my sister Alisha sat in there chair and held my grandma's hand. At about 2:40 on 11/12/11, we all saw my grandma take her last breaths. As my grandma laid there motionless, the tears began to fall as we realized that she was gone. Right away my mom called my two uncles and they headed right over. I sat beside my grandma and as I held her hand, I felt it become cold. After our family had time alone with her, the hospice lady called the mortuary. The mortician came up and talked to us for a while and then gave us a few more minutes to say our final goodbyes before he would take the body. As my uncles, mom , and sisters approached my grandma with tear filled eyes, it broke my heart eve more. I gave my grandma one last hug, kissed her cold cheek, and told her that I loved her and would miss her. I walked out of the room arm in arm with my mom and sisters so the mortician could remove the body from her room. We walked back into the room and as I saw the indention of my grandmas body still on the bed, I knew that things would be different.

     My grandma was fighting lung cancer as well as two brain tumors. She lasted way longer than she was expected to and I never heard her complain. She was a fighter and loved her family very much. All the nurses loved her and told us that they knew almost everything that was going on in our lives because my grandma would keep them updated. I will never forget all of the memories we had together and the love that she showed me. I am comforted by the knowledge that I have that she is not suffering anymore and that she has been reunited with her husband, parents, sister, and two grandchildren. Although we are mourning her loss down here on earth, I know that there was a joyous reunion up above. I am also thankful that I was able to receive the comfort that I needed from my family members as we all faced this hardship together. My dad and brothers came up on Saturday after they found out the news, so we were able to have my whole family together. I love my family!!

Me hugging my Grandma Brown at my High School Graduation

TRUST

On Saturday night, I had the opportunity to go rock climbing at The Quarry with a few of my roommates and our friend Adam. It was very fun, and definitely an arm workout! My roommate Allyson was my partner. One of us would climb as the other one would belay, and then we would switch. As I climbed up the wall for the first time, I was scared to fall because I wasn't sure how the whole belay thing worked. The only type of rock climbing I had done previous to this experience was on the Army's rock wall where you didn't need a belayer. As I reached the top for the first time, I was hesitant to lean back and put my trust in the knot that was connecting me to the belay rope. I finally built up the courage and relied on Allyson, my belayer, to gently lead me back to solid ground. After we succeeded the first time, it was a lot easier to do it the next few times. We had an enjoyable time, and I am glad that I had a belayer who would always tighten the slack and catch me whenever I got to a hard spot in the wall and had to let go. She was also very encouraging from the bottom, always pushing me to keep going and to not give up. 
When I got back to my apartment that night, I skyped my mom and little brother who were in Montana visiting my Grandma Brown. I talked to my little brother, Torey, first and as I talked to him I watched my mom help my grandma into bed. With not much strength available, my grandma has to be assisted in the simple tasks that most of us take for granted. As Torey handed the computer to my grandma, I couldn't hold back the tears. She was lying in bed, and wasn't looking very well. As she saw the tears in my eyes, she told me how she would be able to see my grandpa again and that everyone has their time to go. Although those weren't the words I wanted to hear, they did offer a little comfort. I talked to my grandma for a while and then decided I better let my sisters skype her, so I told her that I loved her and that I would talk to her later. As I sat in sacrament meeting the next day and listened to the testimonies of others, I couldn't stop thinking about trust. All I can do right now is put my trust in the Lord because I know that he has a plan and that things will work out for the better, even if they aren't the way I want them to go. When I think about the conditions my grandma is in right now, as she is fighting lung cancer along with two brain tumors, I truly find comfort in the knowledge that we will not suffer anymore once we leave this earth. Our body will return to its perfect condition, and my grandma will not be in pain anymore. I have no idea how much longer the Lord will allow her to stay on this earth with us, but I do know that the Lord hears and answers our prayers in accordance to the plan that he has created for us. I know that I can trust in the Lord because he is one thing that will never change. No matter the circumstances he will always be there for me, encouraging me to push through the hard times so I can make it to the top and enjoy the wonderful view-- Just as Allyson did as my belayer when rock climbing.
"Trust:  reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence"

Me and my Grandma Brown after my high school graduation 

Beautiful Heartbreak

I absolutely love this song! The lyrics are beautiful and can apply to everyone! 

"I had it all mapped out in front of me, Knew just where I wanted to go; But life decided to change my plans, And I found a mountain in the middle of my road. I knew there was no way over it, So I searched for a way around; Brokenhearted I started climbin', And at the top I found... Every fear, every doubt, All the pain I went through; Was the price that I paid to see this view; And now that I'm here I would never trade... The grace that I feel, And the faith that I find; Through the bitter-sweet tears, And the sleepless nights; I used to pray he'd take it all away, But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak..I never dreamed my heart would make it, I thought about turning around; But heaven has shown me miracles, I never would have seen from the ground. Now I take the rain with the sunshine, Cause there's one thing that I know; He picks up the pieces, Along each broken road. Every fear, every doubt, All the pain I went through; Was the price that I paid to see this view; And now that I'm here I would never trade... The grace that I feel, And the faith that I find; Through the bitter-sweet tears, And the sleepless nights. I used to pray he'd take it all away, But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak. I would never trade... The grace that I feel, And the faith that I find; Through the bitter-sweet tears, And the sleepless nights. I used to pray he'd take it all away, But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak."

Seeing and Listening to the Prophet of God-- What an AMAZING experience!!

I knew from the moment that I woke up, that today was going to be a great day! I didn't have class this morning so I was able to get up and head to the Marriott Center early. One of my friends had been standing in line at 8:00 and me and one if my roomies decided to go and join him. It was raining and cold outside so we made sure to bundle up. As we arrived at the Marriott Center, it made me smile when I saw a couple hundred umbrellas and students all lined up waiting to get good seats. As the doors opened at 9:30, everyone walked a little quicker than normal, and luckily my friends and I were able to get really good seats! We we right in the middle section in row 21. While we were waiting, I decided that I would do my Book of Mormon assignment and I also started writing a letter to my friend who is on his mission. The piano was being tuned, the choir was warming up, there was a constant stream of people filing to different seats, and their was a feeling of excitement in the air. As the piano began to play and everyone began standing up, my heart began beating so fast. When I saw Thomas S. Monson, the Prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I couldn't help but smile. It was also exciting to see his daughter Ann M. Dibb as well as Russell M. Nelson!
As President Monson spoke inspired words, there was no doubt in my mind that he truly was the Prophet of God! His smile is contagious, and his humor keeps everybody interested. Here are a few thoughts that I wrote down as I listened to him speak.
     *The followers of Christ should be lights to the world
     * light = something that illuminates
     * "Be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity."
     * Keep our lights shining bright - for others to see and follow
     * We are spiritual beings having a physical experience
     * It is up to each of us to develop the faith needed to survive
     * Faith and doubt cannot exist at the same time in the same mind
     * When you choose to follow Christ you choose to be changed
     * "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your father which is in heaven"   
     * Our opportunities to shine are limitless, they surround us every day
One of the things that stuck with me the most was when he quoted the Disney movie The Lion King. He applied them to us today as he told us "You are more than what you have become. Remember who you are! You are sons and daughters of God!" I will never forget this wonderful experience and especially the peace and reassurance I felt!!